Christmas Break in a Small Town

Adapted from a piece I wrote last Christmas. Primarily for kicks, secondarily for giggles.

While many of us 20-somethings no longer get the freedom of having a “Christmas break” we do get the joy of seeing everyone we haven’t seen in awhile, who we may or may not have spent the entire year avoiding, in one place, at any given holiday hoorah.

For those of us privileged enough to live in places where there are less than three degrees of separation, whether you are at the grocery store or a swanky club, you know exactly what I am talking about. The difference between holiday time and any other time of the year in a small town is that during holiday time there is absolutely no running and even less hiding from these unsolicited encounters. (And yes, you are right. I was lying when I implied we had a swanky club.)

Seeing as how it is indeed that time of the year again, here are three scenarios you are likely to face in the coming few weeks if you find yourself spending the holidays in your small town, hometown—that is, if the world doesn’t end and the Mayans are hiding their heads in shame.

1.The Christmas Party. If the said party happens to be at your ex’s house, you can count on the fact that there will be that one photo that did not get taken down off of the fridge. Which one is it? Oh, you know the one. It’s the one you so subtly try to hide while no one is looking. Maybe everyone has forgotten by now, right? Sure they have. Whatever you need to tell yourself. Whether or not the party is at your recent ex’s house or not is almost a mute issue, because even if it isn’t, he and his new significant other will be busting in the door at any given moment, spreading drunken holiday cheer for everyone to enjoy, that is, everyone except for you. And where are you? Why, there you are, creeping off to the corner, inching closer and closer to the bathroom, trying to perfect the duck and cover, as you wrestle with the urge of purging.

2.The High School Reunion. Be it your high school group of friends or someone else’s, you are sure to encounter something that looks or feels like a high school reunion over the holidays. It seems that everyone who returns home for the holidays magically ends up together at any given overpopulated local bar. Of course this local bar happens to be one that you try and avoid every other night of the year, but somehow you find yourself ending up here tonight and now are being forced to listen to just how wonderful having a small child and a fancy jobs is. Meanwhile all your single brain can think is, I am not drunk enough for this. I NEEED A DRINNNNK. Right Meow. While darting over to the bar you realize even your classmates with babies are here. I guess they preplanned for a babysitter this time. Oh wait, nope. Well damn. Cue the strollers. I spot a baby up in this bar.

3. New Year’s Eve. Regardless of how you claim you want to do something different this year, you will undoubtedly end up with every other person in your town that does not want to spend New Years Eve home alone, drinking libations in the street and watching some weird object plummet from the sky. Too bad it fell so fast you missed it entirely while you were all too busy being distracted by the unassuming individual drifting ever so close to you in hopes of being your New Year’s midnight kiss. Little does he know your stubborn mind is always set elsewhere. Still the true beauty of this night is not in the night itself at all, but in the morning that is New Year’s day. Everyone will have been so wasted they could have hugged their worst enemy in the post midnight hours and not minded at all, because “Come on, it’s new years y’all. Wasn’t last night just magical!??” It sure was. Now turn on that football game.

And so, just when you think about throwing in the towel on the holidays and going all grumpy cat on the new year, whether you have felt like a winner or loser this year, I advise you to take heart and suck it up, swallow your pride even. Because one day my friends, you may move on from these places and will give anything to have these moments back, regardless of the awkward tension that may exist in the here and now. Walking into a bar and having not just one person but everyone and their brother and their sister and their crazy uncle Kenny know your name and provide you a warm welcome, does not only happen on TV—it happens in small towns. And trust me when I say that it doesn’t happen quite like this anywhere else. So perhaps this holiday season is the perfect time to buck up, maybe even buy your ex’s new main squeeze a shot (if she or he will let you) and realize there is a strange beauty and peace to be felt in unconditional camaraderie, even if it’s twisted.

Dreamzzz.

“You say that I’m a dreamer, I say you’re a nonbeliever.”

Yes, Good Charlotte may have been a terrible band (and they may still be, are they still around these days?), but these are the words I still choose to live by—words that resonate deep within my soul each morning when I wake and again at night when I restlessly crawl into bed and slip under the cover.

What does it even mean to be a dreamer in today’s world? Does it mean believing that you can singlehandedly change society? Does it mean having everything you’ve always wanted, or at least not being afraid to go after it and die trying? Does it mean living in a world of utopia in your head that everyone outside of the confines of your mind is not privy to? I’m not entirely sure of the answer to any of these questions. What I do know is that there are a few things I’ve learned living my life as a dreamer.

·      We need at least one obstacle to overcome at any given time. For dreamers, not working toward something or not constantly having to rise above something feels just about as stifling as being zipped up in a sleeping bag unable to see and barely able to breathe. Also, what happens once you achieve what you are dreaming about? Is that it? There's nothing more? Where is the challenge? Where is the hurdle? Where is the story?

·      It can’t always be about the story. While it’s nice to be imaginative and live out crazy stories in your head, this is your life you are dealing with, your own flesh and blood. Every action can’t be occur simply because of the story that it allows you to write. You are a character in your own life—a character experiencing waves of growth and development, waves of trial, waves of failure, waves of pain. Still, you must remember, it’s not as simple as shredding the paper when you don’t like what you have written, what you have done. Life may be fleeting but there is a level of permanence in each action and reaction. You must live with yourself as long as you live. 

·      There is a fine line between fabrications and reality. How do you decipher what’s a real feasible possibility and what’s not simply one of your dreams? Or are all of your dreams possible realities that just seem too far out to reach some days? This internal struggle is one that is all too common to dreamers—one that is consistently faced day in and day out. Where’s the line between hope, and creating an alternate reality for you to exist within while avoiding, well, your immediate reality? What does reality even mean? What does it look like? Do people settle for what they think has to be their reality? This seems like an atrocity to me, one I refuse to face.

·      Some dreams are simply deferred.  I swear my ole buddy Langston scribbled down something about this once. But what does actually happen to a dream deferred? If a dream is deferred, does this mean it wasn’t meant to be made into a reality? Was it a mere stepping-stone to point you in the direction of the path that your heart is really yearning to take? Does this path even lead to your ultimate dream? Will you always wonder what happens to your deferred dreams? Will you forget? Will they be swept under rugs here and there? Or do they become someone else’s dreams?

·      You should be stubborn. While all of the above may be true about dreamers, one constant rings true perhaps above all else, and that is, we are stubborn creatures. We may even know the answers to some of our questions but we choose to keep dreaming, as most days it seems to be the path that has chosen us. Our stubbornness keeps us passionate and it keeps us hopeful. It keeps us believing that our dreams are worth dreaming and that we should never stop believing.

 “You say that I’m a dreamer, I say you’re a nonbeliever.”

Karaoke Night Done Right

On the off chance you didn’t sign into weather.com this weekend, let me paint a picture for you. Saturday morning we woke up to a town that was to some degree, underwater. The rain was relentless. A state of emergency was declared. Cars and homes flooded. In Florida fashion, old women were rescued from their homes via surfboards, while red necks floated down the streets on beach floats, with beer cans in hand. Much of the city shut down. Events were cancelled. Once the rain finally stopped, the water subsided and the sky began to clear, there was nothing left to do other than shake off the cabin fever and well, GO OUT AND GET ROWDY.

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It starts out just like any other Saturday Night. We head down to a favored local watering hole, which coincidentally or not is also a prized vegan eatery in our town. Order a standard “go to,” throw back a few PBR tallboys, get a little silly and inadvertently select one of many “Call Me Maybe” remixes on the jukebox. OK, fine, it’s on purpose. You’ve got me.

10:30 PM It just so happens, everyone is heading to another favored watering hole just down the way. It also just so happens that this watering hole is known for having the heaviest pours in town. Any night that ends here is well, one of “those” nights. And any night that kicks off here? Well, one better be prepared. 


11:15 PM The show doesn’t stop here. Everyone quickly decides to migrate down the street to our favorite karaoke bar that for sake of this piece will be referred to as “Dirty Dicks” (which I assure you, for better or worse, is not to far off from its actual name).

And this….

THIS IS WHERE IT GETS WHACK.

And it is not even midnight. The next few hours go a little something like this.

11:30 PM: We push open the door and enter the bar. The cigarette smoke is so thick it clouds not only the eyes but seems to ever so sneakily seep its way slowly into the brain. Time to beeline it to the bar for a drink.

12:00 AM: Karaoke chaos is already in full swing. Drinks are slinging. People are dancing. Why are people dancing? All that matters is that people are dancing. Dear God. It’s only midnight.


12:15 AM: It really is the ultimate case of "world's colliding" here tonight. Good grief.

12:30 AM: Now it’s off to the bathroom where I am hit with the door to the shared stall. Wait did that random girl just call me a c*&%t!?? Oh back to the shared stall. Yes, it is a shared stall in the girls bathroom. This is real, only at Dirty Dicks.

1:00 AM: By now everything is a blur. The Instagram pics are nonstop. The group grows and is slowly taking over the entire bar. Why does it seem like we own the place? All that matters is that we own the place. Damn right we own the place.

1:30 AM: Everyone is dancing on tabletops, Katy Perry, “Last Friday Night” style. It is past time to step it up and make Nicki proud. I quickly lose my mind rapping to “Super Bass.” And I am jumping. Why am I jumping? All that matters is that I am jumping.

2:15 AM: A table falls. Beers spill. Glasses shatter. Integrities are lost, never to be found again. The night is much like a train derailed. Yes, it is one of “THOSE” karaoke nights.

2:20 AM: All that’s missing are the bath salts.

2:30 AM: Suddenly everyone is in a circle singing along, dancing, swaying, embracing even hooting and hollering, including me. “OMG THIS IS MY FAVORITE SONG Y’ALL!!”

3:15 AM: Although I willfully resist and beg for any other song but this one, I find myself shamelessly teaming up with my roommate and leading the pack belting out Gotye “Somebody that I Used to Know” in one final group song that erupts into a massive cluster  (resembling something not too far from a clothed orgy).

3:30 AM: The lights come on. Subsequently the drunken goggles come off. Why am I still here? All that matters is that I am still here.  

Things you will learn at 24.

24 things you will learn at 24—or sooner or later//the sooner the better.

1. The things you think will kill you, in fact, probably won’t.
2. The things you think won’t kill you, just might. And if they don’t kill you, they will at least pull a surprise attack.
3. People will change. And they will change their minds, change their minds and change their minds again.
4. You will change. And you will change your mind, change your mind and change your mind again.
5. You have to do a lot of things you don’t want to do. Yes, this means your parents lied to you. Consider these to be character building exercises.
6. You don’t have to do these things forever and as soon as you have an escape route mapped out, you should probably take it.
7. You should keep your escape routes near and dear. Don’t share them too often. And don't share them until it is time.
8. Letting go sometimes means bowing out of the fight, at least for a time. The longer you stay in the fight, the more battle wounds you are likely to endure.
9. You are more like your parents than you ever cared to admit. Embrace it. There is still much to learn from them.
10. The world may be your oyster but watch out because it’s everyone else’s too. The world is one giant competitive and relentless oyster.
11. You think you know everything, but you truly only know a little about a lot of things. The sooner you admit this, the smarter you become.
12. There’s no perfect path for your life that you have yet to uncover, you simply must “do you.”
13. “Doing You” takes a great deal of sacrifice and a whole lot of heart.
14. Sometimes you have to lose a best friend. This may only be for a season.
15. Sometimes you have to lose yourself.  Don't lose yourself for too long.
16. Sometimes you have to question everything. Having more questions than answers means you are being honest with yourself. 
17. Being honest with yourself is the first step to, well, anything.
18. Many times the idea of something is entirely more appealing than the actual.
19. It’s healthy to care. It’s unhealthy to care to the point where it rips you to shreds.
20. It’s okay to be selfish when it comes to your own wellbeing. You should be selfish when it comes to your own wellbeing.
21. It’s okay to run away from your problems. Just don't run forever.
22. It’s okay to stay and face your problems. Just don't stay forever.
23. You may think you want "stability" until you realize that maybe there is truly no such animal.
24. This is all part of the journey. All of this is a journey with no finite destination. The sooner you stop racing to nowhere, the better.

Rock n' Roll Race Day

4:30 AM—There are a lot of thoughts that race through your head as your alarm goes off and you get ready to embark on what is about to be the biggest race of your life to date. Some of these thoughts are in the form of questions, others answers. For one, What are you doing? This seems to be the big one. It is the question that plays on repeat in your mind from the painful minutes that exist somewhere between dragging your lifeless body out of bed at such an obscene hour and waiting for the hotel coffee maker to do its thing. Just 6 months ago if you would have told yourself you were going to be giving up your 4:30 AM late nights for this madness, you would have thought you were crazy, and well, maybe you are. But here you are, with one of your best friends from childhood/high school in your cruise-ship-like hotel room. After chugging down your coffee and suiting up in your NOLA SWAG you answer your question. You are doing this because you can do this. You are doing this because you want to do this.

5:35 AM—Soberly cruising along in New Orleans at this hour is an unfamiliar, eerie feeling in itself. As you step out of the car at the parking lot by City Park in the brisk air you feel the life gradually flow into your limbs. You board your tour bus and head toward the start. You feel almost famous. Almost.

5:50 AM—With a race involving nearly 20,000 people, the area near the start line mirrors a commune of sorts, a quirky sub-city of runners or better yet, a music festival. Where else would you find music blaring and a sea of energized people prancing around in very limited clothing and costumes at this hour? You rip your jacket off like it is a bandaid and place it in your SWAG bag to be loaded up in a UPS truck and taken to the finish line to await you. You jog around the park, hunt for the port-a-potty with the shortest line, stretch, double check your playlist to make sure no slow depressing jams crept in, watch the sun creep up, hit up the port-a-potty round 2 just to play it safe and settle into a bit more stretching.

6:45 AM—Upon walking over to your designated corral, the amount of people that are sharing in this story with you starts to register and sink in. As you pop your ear buds in and line up next to your running partner, someone who has grown to know you on a different level than most, you smile that you are able to share this experience with such dear friends. You find comfort here. You may be doing this for you, but you are undoubtely sharing in the experience with every runner here today as well as runners past, present and future. You start channeling what you imagine to be the sentiments of both your mom and your dad in their race days. This must be what it felt like for them. Now you understand. Now it is your turn.

7:00 AM—The race has officially started. Each corral is gradually released and walks in formation the 2 blocks over, 1 block up to the start line. The countdown begins. The anticipation continues to build as you wait. 10,9,8... another corral goes, and another. Finally you turn the corner. The moment you see the start line everything becomes real and every emotion you have ever felt during any given training run hits you at once like an electric shock. Your hands get a shaky and you tear up. It's time. You know it's time. You know it's time for you to run your race.

Vegan Q&A {Part One}

So you don't ever wear leather, right? Wrong! While I don't typically purchase leather, I personally have no reservations about slipping on my dancin' boots. Here's the thing. The lifestyle I live is done so because I believe wholeheartedly eating vegan is the ideal way for health of the body, mind and spirit. I could go on to mention the drastically devastating health effects animal products have on the human body, the gross waste of agricultural land and the billions of tons of water it takes for factory farming, but I think you catch my drift. All that to say, if you are an animal rights activist, kudos for standing up, standing out and standing strong but that's not me.

How do you feel about honey? I love getting my bear paws on some honey. First of all, it is delicious. Plus I asked the bees and they said they don't mind. Oh, and local honey is especially beneficial to those of us who struggle with allergies. I don't make this stuff up. Google it!

Would you ever marry a carnivore? There are various levels of us herb or omnivores. I would never judge someone for wanting to run through the whataburger DT for a 3 a.m. whatacatch. That would be downright heartless and cold. I nommed on fish for years before I flipped the vegan switch. Plain and simply put, I can get down with a pescetarian. But as far as carnivores go, get real. get right. I would probably need to see a few pigs fly first. Then again, stranger things have happened.

How long will you be vegan? I think when you make a claim like FOREVER most people are quick to advise you that nothing is forever. Well, if nothing is forever, veganism for me is by all means, the closest thing to it.

What your Running Powersongs say about you

1. Broken Social Scene - Meet Me in the Basement

Everyone needs an intro jam, especially runners. While you may be someone who enjoys pining to "Feel Good Lost" you just as much enjoy some high energy BSS that serves you well as your intro jam and this is it. This is your very own "Eye of the Tiger" or "Chariots of Fire."

2. Justice - DVNO
You are losing your patience; You just came here to DANCE. While you aren't one to name drop, you may or may not have lived in Paris in a past-life and still find yourself trying to relive those high energy dance sessions. Speaking of high energy dance sessions, there was also that one situation in an alleged Bonnaroo dance tent where you may or may not have lost control dancing to Justice and potentially hurt innocent bystanders.

3. Cobra Starship - You Make Me Feel
You enjoy the occasional guilty pleasure that you find yourself regularly youtubing as you are getting ready to go out any given evening. Just as you start to dance in the mirror you have a sudden reality check and near panic attack as you ask yourself WHAT AM I DOING? You are in your mid-twenties and dancing in the mirror to Cobra Starship. It is clear you have no idea what you are doing my friend.

4. Phoenix - 1901
SURPRISE SURPRISE — something else that reminds you of France. You are someone who enjoys daydreaming about sights and sounds including the Takeaway show that Phoenix did at the Trocadero made complete with a bride & groom. All together it was a pretty magical moment and well, you should probably go ahead and admit to yourself that underneath that exterior of yours, you are a sucker for magical moments paired with a perfectly fitting soundtrack. VOM. 

5. Nada Surf - Hi-Speed Soul
You like to see things through to the finish line and this song is a good reminder that with enough energy and motivation anything is possible. You can conquer any barrier. It's as if you are on "Cool Runnings" minus the bobsled. One for the money, two for the show....

6. M.I.A - Come Around
The one and only time you saw M.I.A in the flesh you were distracted by the little girls getting trampled to the point where theirs lives were on the line. In an effort to not be one of those little girls and keep your life off the line, you gave up your quest to be on stage and settled for dancing alongside the sweaty masses suffering from heat exhaustion and foaming at the mouth. The lesson here? Sometimes once is enough.

7. Super Bass- Nicki Minaj
You have a soft spot in your heart for karaoke. This song happens to be your chosen one. You wonder why people seem to be giving you the inquisitive eye when this song comes on as you gradually begin to incorporate arm motions into your run. Before you realize it becomes another case of exercise turned exorcism. It's all in the theatrics baby. #blackgaga

8. RATATAT - Drugs
You remember the weeknights you spent drinking way too many Sparks until you thought your heart was going to explode and you were going to collapse from dancing all night listening to... yep, you guessed it, RATATAT. Just when you are losing energy and slowing your pace, you'll channel that Sparks energy. If only they hadn't have taken away the energy.

9. Jay-Z & Kanye - Niggas in Paris
This one has nothing to do with your love and nostalgia for Paris. You just love going out for a night on the town with your true blues and doing some blarin' & rappin' followed by more blarin' & rappin' while you are on the way to and from your destination. Nothing else matters; you are definitely in your zone.

10. At the Drive-In - One Armed Scissor
Everyone was in middle school once and so were you (when this song came out). That doesn't matter now. What matters now is that At the Drive-In is now operational again and so are you. Hell to the yeah.

Only Children are Taking Over the World

Let me start by saying, I would like to chastise or at least punch square in the eyes the only child who gave the entire population of only children on this planet a bad name and on top of a bad name, a heaping ton of stereotypes to contend with. You know the only child I am talking about. He (okay let’s be real, more than likely he is actually a she), is a spoiled brat who refuses to share, won’t bend an inch and if you happen to give an inch is sure to go ahead and take that mile. As a kid she is the one not letting you play house with her on the playground or throwing sand in your face while you wait to be picked last for the kickball team. As an adult she is still blinding you with sand, only this time the sand she is throwing comes in the form of sleeping with your ex or stealing credit for something she knows good and well you are the mastermind behind. Hey, thanks bitch.

But then there are the rest of us. We are the 99%. We are the rest of the only children out there in the world hidden under rocks. We are sheep wearing wolves' clothing and it is time we clear our name, unearth ourselves and set the record straight. You want the truth about us? Well, here it is. Whether we are your employer, your weekend lover, your future spouse, your best friend or your office intern, here are 5 things you should know about the rest of us only children out there.

1.    We are highly imaginative. While we have to keep our imagination in check so not to make it to our own detriment or worse, the detriment of others, we are highly imaginative creatures. We grew up talking to the mirror pretending to be the star of our own sitcom. In our day-to-day adult life this transfers into ideas we have for how we want our lives to look. We spend a lot of time fabricating things and overanalyzing and while this may make us look and feel a little crazy at times, any job that requires and ounce of creativity we will dominate. So go ahead and give us that promotion.

2.    We just can’t be bothered. While we may get a hell of a lot of flack for flaking out on things we say we are going to do and are always swearing we are on our way to the party when the truth is we haven’t even left our house yet (and aren’t even sure we want to go out anymore), the truth of the matter is quite simple. We are not quite flakes we just really can’t be bothered. It’s how we roll. Deal.

3.    We are particularly particular. While sometimes this is mistaken as selfishness and perhaps at times it is, I assure you most often times it is not. The fact that we are particular means we are also considerate and pay attention to detail and better yet, we take care of your shit! We take care of the stuff you let us borrow. We are particular about our own things, meaning we will be even more particular about someone else’s. Feel free to lend us your favorite party dress. No really, hand it over.

4.    We are our own best friends. We enjoy doing things with others but we just as much enjoy doing the same things on our own. We are introspective beings who enjoy letting go in our heads and getting lost in thought, allowing us to properly re-synch ourselves. We require a certain amount of alone time to maintain our peace of mind and our sanity. Above all, we know how to be our own best friend, making us the best kind of best friend to have.

5.    We are taking over the world. Whether you like it or not, it is costing more and more to have a family these days and on top of that with all the recent social trends, family size is shrinking. In short, this means more and more only children are being born and rising up. We are smart and we are motivated. We are weird and we are quirky. We are underappreciated and we are a growing breed. Let’s face it, we are some of the most badass creatures you will ever meet. We are lovers rather than fighters but just remember one thing — at any given moment we may give in to our stereotype after all and when that happens you better be on our side because well otherwise, the picture won’t be a pretty one.