Only Children are Taking Over the World

Let me start by saying, I would like to chastise or at least punch square in the eyes the only child who gave the entire population of only children on this planet a bad name and on top of a bad name, a heaping ton of stereotypes to contend with. You know the only child I am talking about. He (okay let’s be real, more than likely he is actually a she), is a spoiled brat who refuses to share, won’t bend an inch and if you happen to give an inch is sure to go ahead and take that mile. As a kid she is the one not letting you play house with her on the playground or throwing sand in your face while you wait to be picked last for the kickball team. As an adult she is still blinding you with sand, only this time the sand she is throwing comes in the form of sleeping with your ex or stealing credit for something she knows good and well you are the mastermind behind. Hey, thanks bitch.

But then there are the rest of us. We are the 99%. We are the rest of the only children out there in the world hidden under rocks. We are sheep wearing wolves' clothing and it is time we clear our name, unearth ourselves and set the record straight. You want the truth about us? Well, here it is. Whether we are your employer, your weekend lover, your future spouse, your best friend or your office intern, here are 5 things you should know about the rest of us only children out there.

1.    We are highly imaginative. While we have to keep our imagination in check so not to make it to our own detriment or worse, the detriment of others, we are highly imaginative creatures. We grew up talking to the mirror pretending to be the star of our own sitcom. In our day-to-day adult life this transfers into ideas we have for how we want our lives to look. We spend a lot of time fabricating things and overanalyzing and while this may make us look and feel a little crazy at times, any job that requires and ounce of creativity we will dominate. So go ahead and give us that promotion.

2.    We just can’t be bothered. While we may get a hell of a lot of flack for flaking out on things we say we are going to do and are always swearing we are on our way to the party when the truth is we haven’t even left our house yet (and aren’t even sure we want to go out anymore), the truth of the matter is quite simple. We are not quite flakes we just really can’t be bothered. It’s how we roll. Deal.

3.    We are particularly particular. While sometimes this is mistaken as selfishness and perhaps at times it is, I assure you most often times it is not. The fact that we are particular means we are also considerate and pay attention to detail and better yet, we take care of your shit! We take care of the stuff you let us borrow. We are particular about our own things, meaning we will be even more particular about someone else’s. Feel free to lend us your favorite party dress. No really, hand it over.

4.    We are our own best friends. We enjoy doing things with others but we just as much enjoy doing the same things on our own. We are introspective beings who enjoy letting go in our heads and getting lost in thought, allowing us to properly re-synch ourselves. We require a certain amount of alone time to maintain our peace of mind and our sanity. Above all, we know how to be our own best friend, making us the best kind of best friend to have.

5.    We are taking over the world. Whether you like it or not, it is costing more and more to have a family these days and on top of that with all the recent social trends, family size is shrinking. In short, this means more and more only children are being born and rising up. We are smart and we are motivated. We are weird and we are quirky. We are underappreciated and we are a growing breed. Let’s face it, we are some of the most badass creatures you will ever meet. We are lovers rather than fighters but just remember one thing — at any given moment we may give in to our stereotype after all and when that happens you better be on our side because well otherwise, the picture won’t be a pretty one.